 | | "And here we are in the silver studded city of Las Vegas. Gathered here is the universally renowned class of 1956 for their twenty-fifth reunion," commentates Curt Binion, the Walter Winchell of the day.
Standing in the midst of the throng is our host, Bill Guthery, the owner of Nevada, who was kind enough to lend us his city for this occasion. Noted automobile designer K. Bruno is approaching in a cloud of exhaust fumes in one of his late model Brunilacs. Close to a majestic potted palm are Sally and Sue Taylor who have won fame on the Gurthur Aodfrey show as the Toni Twins. Just moment, there seems to be a crowd of people collecting. Please bear with me. I will try to see what is going on. There is a lot of smoke and confusion. Pardon me, sir, do you know what is going on?"
"Mr. Bruno was testing my new gearless transmission," says Phil Davis, "and something appears to have gone wrong." Phil disappears into the crowd.
Curt continues, "There is Cinda Willson, head mechanic, busily sifting cinders. Bob Cook, the owner of the rival car company, Cooks Cars, seems quite amused with the incident. Here is Mr. Savage, detective from Scotland Yard. Do you have a comment, Mr. Savage?"
Curtly he states, "Just the facts."
Our commentator says, "On the other side of the crowd, I notice lawyer Phillip Tangeman, conferring with Mr. K. Bruno on the legalities of the accident."
The crowd is thinning out, due to the usual excellent organization of the Our Program Chairman. With the accident forgotten, we enter the luxurious casino, The Anti-Beverage Bar.
The alumni settle down to enjoy the entertainment of some of the 1956 graduates that have entered the world of show business. Our Program Chairman introduces the first act, Larry Chapman, concert pianist from the Bowery. He plays a delightful interlude while the Rockettes, led by Dotti Fouts and Caroline Corbin, enter. Looking down my program, I see that the Harlem Globetrotters are slated to perform under the direction of choreographer, Sylvia Cligrow. I am delighted that we will be privileged to see the world premiere of Dick Allen's movie, Worthington ---Via Water Tower. I understand that this movie has been under the direction of Bill Thissen. A few sidelights are to be added by the Oliver-winning actress, Gerry Trautman. She informs us that her make-up artist is Janice Krusinger. Polly Cochran, the musical composer for the movie, graciously receives a warm response. This must be a good movie becuase the noted movie censor, Miss J. Wilson, is smiling. Closing the gala program, Sue Stinchcomb will sing her latest release on Barbara Laing's Red Label Records. The side requested is, "Stinches Flinches," (which is strictly for the birds).
Curt continues, "Now that the Entertainment is over, there is free time on the agenda. I believe I'll circulate and see whom I can find. On my left is the platinum-plated paper stand of the eccentric multi-millionaire, Richard Drenan. Toward the rear of the stand is Mr. B. Garver, autographing one of his latest novels, The Day I Met Caesar's Ghost. On the other side, the younger set is clustered around the kiddy favorite, Jimmy Sevy, who is busy giving away free samples of his new publication Insane Comics. Taking a glance at the headlines, we find that Stanley Robinett has taken complete control of North Slobovia and proclaimed himself king. Claudette Anelich has conquered the Straits of Magellen in record time. Dick Goins has proven his artistic ability by a full-page political cartoon. We are being kept up on the latest happenings in Hollywood by Jann Moser's column, Hollywood's Giddy Gossip. Beside her column is Carol Morse's column on advice to mixed-up teenagers.
There is Ginny Thrall; she must be taking some time out between modeling chores. I believe that she is remarking over the fact that A.V. Shirk has reached his goal of the moon in Shirk's Space Ship. She goes on to say that the noted bioligist, Carolyn Kayner, has accompanied Mr. Shirk on the lunar holiday to obtain specimens of the rare plant, "Plantarious Moonis."
The only shadow cast on the expedition was the serious accident that befell the hostess, Carol Beaver. At last report, the hospital indicated that she is no longer moonstruck.. Another member of the expedition was Ethel Butler. The reason for her participation was the fact that one of her forward passes had gotten a little out of hand, and she hoped to dislodge her basketball from a crater," completes Ginny.
"It might be nice to note that Donna Longshore has been voted one of the ten best-dressed ladies," states Curt. "Speaking of the moon, I've heard that Glen Brigner is going to initiate a Blast-In Movie on the moon. As capable concession clerk, Dick Todd has been appointed."
"I believe that I will follow the crowd and buy a pumpernickel-sicle from Pat Brown. (This concession stand is loaded with goodies!). I see that Pat is also selling the seedless chocolate upsidedown pie that has made the inventor, Barbara Matthews, famous. I seem to have chipped a tooth on a seed in Barbara's pie. I'll try to get to Stevie of Kreider's Cavity Clinic. However, she is busily engaged in disengaging Robert McElwee from her own self-pulling taffy. I see there is another victim of entanglement. Nancy Barnette must have gotten carried away demonstraing her Snap Crackle Pop chewing gum. I see that in Kreider's Clinic, Tish Stover is testing tooth brushes for Queen Elizabeth while the Queen's butler, William Vance, looks on inspecting the operation. Apparently he has chosen one to his liking, for he is headed our way. "Pardon me, Mr. Vance, would you be so kind as to tell us where the next activity takes place?" He refers us to the sidewalk superintendent whom we find to be Tim White. He informs us that the Homemaker and Style Show is to be held in Hartman Hall. I seem to recall that the building was erected by Bob Hartman for music lovers everywhere."
At the Homemaker and Style Show, the Master of Ceremonies is Warren Strange who has been elected the best-dressed man of the year. Sue Sommers and Diane Weate are opening the show by demonstrating a device for peeling grapes. This clever invention has won Laurene Leasure a blue ribbon. A round of applause is sounded as Warren introduces the homemaking expert, Joan Cooper - the gal better know to us as Mrs. America. With her is Shirley Mann, the ex-Mrs. America. Next we follow a line of devastating beauties from Langstaff's Luxurious Ladies. Let's listen to Warren commentate the fashion show.
"First, approaching on the ramp is the striking model Molly Tarbutton modeling red and blue fur pieces. Next comes Julie Elder displaying Jonathan Logan's new version of the trumpet sheath. As an added feature, Bill Weese will show three of his straight-haired poodles. He has successfully raised the breed in Paris."
Warren stuns the audience with his famous smile as he continues, "And last, but not least, comes Miss Galaxy, with stars in her eyes and all the universe around her, Miss Zaiga Priede!" With a wild burst of flashing lights, Dick Nudd, who is the photographer for Flip Publications, pops into view taking a prize picture.
Curt says, "I see some celebrities in the crowd, among whom is Miss Ann Fisher, who, with Carl Wick's help, is in the process of composing the new "400" Social Registry. At the top of the Registry is Danny Boucher, head of the YMCA. There is our ambassador to Ireland, Kathie Thomas, passing out five leaf clovers. Receiving one is Nancy Mosher, our roving ambassador of good will. Sitting with them is Paul Treece, the ambassador to Istanbul. Conversing among the three international figures as translator is Mary Barber.
"With the close of the curtain, we move on to the Milhonian Institute created by Dan Milhon. This institution was originated for the display of new inventions. Proudly standing beside his display of Boorman Burp Pills is Chuck. He is conferring with Sally Conner, who has perfected a formula for the deodorizing of bed bugs. Across the aisle is Barb Malody competing for attention with her Remedies for Maladies. And there I see a new synthetic fabric being displayed. It is Peggy Miller's Millicon, the miracle fabric that is like a chameleon, for it changes color with various accessories. Also standing there is Barbara Bohn selling seasickness remedies for lonesome sailors. Four of the younger set are clustered around a table trying out the new game of Gay Orthoefer's called Bridgette. What is that noise? Why, that is Lewis Hard demonstrating his new system of typing! I hope the vibrations from the typing do not disturb the ceramic display so carefully arranged by Joyce Hulls.
Now for a brisk walk. Is it a plane? A bird? No, it's Nancy Greenwald following her medical career as a tree surgeon. She has diagnosed this case as laryngitis. This tree has no bark. Down the street I see a fluorescent sign advertising Kistler's Hydramatic Kaskets, "The Smooth Way Down." On our way to chow, we pass a TV store advertising the slogan, "Get the Newest from Norm," and so we reason it out that it must be owned by Norman Musser. We see one of our class members' pictures flash on the screen of a display set. Apparently having won a wrestling match, Russ Mann is throwing silver bobby pins to his female fans. Suddenly, the ringside view is replaced by a picture of our own Jimmy Russell, and the news that he has just broken the Olympic mile record. We all feel a tingle of pride. As we pause for a few minutes, one of the more familiar ads appears, Gerald's Toothpaste, "the Tube Most Likely To Be Squeezed." We are dazzled by the smile of Esther Chasteen who is demonstrating the toothpaste. The next program is that of the $46,000 Question. The main contestant this evening is Alice Andes, who will try to answer the $46,000 question on the topic of "flora and fauna of eastern Asia."
We depart from the TV store and pass the Turkish bath and find a cloud of steam rolling out, and there stands Tom Coddington, the chief masseur. Naomi Jeffery is hostess of towels. As we go along, we notice Joan Furnis selling crosseyed potatoes to Dave Hansel who wants to compare them with his own crop. We stop for dinner at Mike's. We order the house specialty, Paoletti's Knitted Spaghetti. Passing down the street is Bob Nelson, the international Romeo. For a moment we are interrupted by the arrival of a messenger for Eastern Onion with a telegram from Senator Frederick Alban, apologizing for his absence, the reason being that he has beeen filibustering in an attempt to pass a bill dealing with the preservation of four pointed star fish. This brings to light that Mr. V. V. Volk is the head of the national research commission for four pointed starfish. Across the dining room at the end of a large table is Dick Bachelor, one of the ten most eligible bachelors enjoying the company of a multitude of ladies. Also sharing an equal spotlight, we see Gerald Yeager displaying one of his muscle building kits. On the way out, we bump into our schoolmate, Glenn Osburn, back from looking for his "Yellow Rose of Texas." This time, he tried Utah.
Many of our teachers are clustered around Buddy Sanford, who is demonstrating a lesson from his book, Oboes for Amateurs. I recognize Linda Campbell, a professor of sociology at Purdue, and Jo Ann Smith, a teacher of economics at Ohio State. Doug Breech is running a school for redheaded gunoos. Radiant Rick Larson is telling of his experiences as a professor of political science at Vassar. Ann Mason is very pleased with the aspects of being a fencing instructor at Yale. Ebby Senehi is selling Charles Antel hair tonic, and buying some of the wax to wax the floor of his dance studio is Dave Shuster. He informs us that Bonnie Miller is one of his employees as a dance instructor.
Joining us on the way to the rodeo is Dan Chapman who is in charge of bent forks at Scotland Yard. He tells us that Steve Ward is mowing the grass and pruning the trees there. As we enter the rodeo we see Dallas "Tex" Aleshire as Emcee. He is introducing Carol Dayton who is "knotting" lariats. Sneaking in the gates, we see the champion "tight-wadder" Dick Zipf. The melodious sound we hear could be none other than Jim Johnston, prize-winning yodeler or Haldane Dosher with her famous rebel yell. The official times are being kept by Nancy Chambers. Covering the event for his national organization, Confusion, Inc. is "Wild Bill" Kelly. An entire section of the grandstands is being taken up by a den of Cub Scouts, with their den mother, Nancy Van Voorhis. In the celebrities' box is Sarah Luck, Director of the National Box-Top Commission.
Sitting on her right is the gatekeeper at Ft. Knox, Frank Sensel. A brief delay in the proceedings is caused by the appearance of three Siberian Bloodhounds walking their mistress, Anne Kibler. An added attraction is the appearance of Sylvia Slatter, performing the feat of crocheting on horseback. Concluding the exhibitions, we see the Smith duo, Pam and Sandy, competing for high honors in the bareback riding contest. This closes the rodeo except for a small side show where Tom Roberts is trimming a Mexican Hairless. Giving it a pedicure is Barbara Porter.
As the crowd hurries toward the gate, we see a fleet of taxis coming up the road with "Diamond Jim" Bailey in the lead car. He seems to be making good use of Burt Schwab's "Gold-Plated" money clips.
The last lap of the reunion closes with the assembling of the alumni. Curt says, "While everyone is assembled, now might be a good time to let the rest of you in on the activities of those alums who are not present. Item No. 1 of our missing persons search! Ruth Ann Mercer has just made her debut with the Kuklapolitan Opera Company and from all indications, it was tremendous success. In scanning the sports world, I find that Jim McClanahan of the Boston Argyles has just broken the national homerun record. In a statement released for the press, Robby Robinson noted that Jim was one of the most capable pinch hitters that ever had been a member of his club. Jerry Wellman, president of the Sports Writers' Guild confirms Robby's statement and predicts that the Argyles will walk away with the pennant. Meanwhile, we hear that Chuck Campbell is in Alaska selling shoelaces to penguins. In the "Incry" we read that Mary Kay Schaal is designing the eighth wonder of the world.
As the reunion draws to a close, the members of the class of 1956 bid each other farewell, thanking Bill Buthery for the use of his Nevada.
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